Struggling to Remain in Real Time

Hey y'all,

I think most, if not all, writers can relate to the problem of having too much imagination.  Imagination is valuable; we can't write the stories we do - whether truth or fiction - without it.  But it's hell on my personal life.  I have a lifetime habit of reading way too much into facial expressions, tonal inflections, the hidden meanings behind phrases, especially when I'm into somebody.  Needless to say, without going into the embarrassing details, I've made a fool out of myself so many times I don't even bother with the narcissism of self-consciousness anymore.  Not that I don't appreciate the unexpected side benefit of falling on my face so many times, it would just be nice to stop falling on my face.

My therapist (of course, I go to therapy) refers to it as stepping out of real time. Fact. Interpretation. Story.  Well, my mind jumps from fact to story in a split second without stopping to question if my interpretation is correct. I'm in the habit of skimming the surface of interpretation to immerse myself in a story I've created that is seldom the story that is actually happening in real time. According to my therapist, in real time one sticks with the facts and doesn't go too far past interpretation and lets the story unfold.  At least, I think that's what she meant.  And I'm writing all this over a couple of long, lingering hugs and a brief conversation that took place within the confines of intimate personal space of 0-18 inches instead of the social personal space of 2-3 feet.  All that made my imagination spin out and woke me up to the realization that I was in one of those crushes that just kind of snuck up on me.

But I'm not going into the details lest I embarrass myself yet again.  I'm struggling to remain with the facts and see if a juicy love story unfolds in Real Time.

How Do I Become an Outlier After a Late Start in the Game?

Hey y'all,

I'm reading the book "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladstone and I find it both brilliant and informative as well as disheartening.  He did a brilliant job of making me see success differently and the advantages I have in this project I'm undertaking that intimidates the hell out of me.  His book also has shown me the huge disadvantages I have - the most serious mistake was not running with my inclination to really pursue my writing career through forming an Indie-publishing community that I had almost 7 years ago.  At the time, everybody around me pooh-poohed the idea, saying it already been done, there's a stigma to self-publishing - which I'd already noticed being on the road for a few months, etc.  If I had gone with that, I might have hit the wave of ebook self-publishing through Amazon as it was climbing instead of trying to catch the wave that's at its peak. Definitely my bad that I didn't listen to my own inner voice.  Because now I have a long way to go to build up my 10,000 hours of expertise, not in writing but in the business of self-promotion.

So yeah, how do I make an impact now that I'm following the herd instead of blazing the trail? Some ideas are to combine internet presence, which I flounder at with in-person events - open mikes, storytelling, and I guess the public market.  On top of that, I'm frozen right now and not moving as fast as I should - worrying about other issues that are beyond my control, and generally putting my frame of mind in a less than empowered state.  So I guess, I'm coming to bellyache to any stranger willing to stop by and read what I have to say.  Is being this honest really "building" an internet presence?  Or is it free therapy?    

Everybody Wants to be Popular

It's been a few weeks since I last blogged.  I guess I've been kind of stumped on how my "theme" is evolving and want I want to do with it, and of course, what I want to receive from this.  I'm getting closer to finally embarking on the next phase in self-publishing that I will now refer to as DIY or Indie Publishing.  I met with another graphic designer and website designer - she must be the top in her field for what she charges and how she lives.  She certainly wasn't hungry for my business and I suspect I'm not even minor league in her book - more like the pee-wee league.  But that's okay, because the initial meeting was free and she challenged me to figure out what I wanted to my website to look like and to figure that out.  The website that this blog will ultimately be a part of, unless I go with Wordpress. 


Ironically enough, it was seeing pictures of the "popular" group on Facebook that crystallized what I want out of this.  I swear to God I think I need to do a FB cleanse, so often what I see on that site puts me in a bad mood and even stirs up my insecurities.  Not exactly the kind of encouragement I need at this time.  The pictures were of a woman and her husband, a very talented bluegrass musician, getting ready for their recording on the resurrected Putumayo music label.  (FYI, I am so glad to hear that company has revamped!) At first, it really got in my craw for a moment.  One on one, most of these people are quite lovely and likable, but once they come together as a group, their individual humanity disappears and they morph into phenomenon of a clique, and an exclusive clique where most people aren't accepted, and who feed off the natural hurt that happens when somebody is rejected for no good reason at all.  I knew this group when I lived in a small town and an isolated town in SE Alaska. In places such as this, cliques like these have far more power than they deserve because there's not enough variety to be able to ignore them.  I have since moved on to a bigger place, as have they.  They're doing quite well.  They should, really.  They know how to work power.


When I saw that picture, for a moment I believed that that is what it takes to be successful in this world - to have people support you in the pursuit of your dreams.  I know I don't have that group and that support, and for a moment, I despaired.  For a moment, I thought why even bother?  And then I got pissed.  Not at them, but at myself.  And in that moment, that's when I knew what I wanted Freedom Junkie Press to stand for.  I want Freedom Junkie Press to stand for the Lone Wolf, for the individual who doesn't fit into cliques because such people are too compelled to follow the rhythm of a different drummer.  For now, Freedom Junkie Press is a community of one, but I know I'm not alone.  I know there must be others who feel as I do and who want what I want, and who share the same vision. 


Thank you for reading.