What is it About Procrastination?

Yesterday, I had a marathon of watching DVD's of my favorite series on my computer instead of writing on it. It was a rainy Sunday, perfect for writing. But instead of taking advantage of the splendid weather and getting some work done or even cleaning the house before the clutter I could tidy in less than an hour becomes another gargantuan mess I'd rather avoid, I watched television. I still have partials out to another agent and 3 editors. What if any of them comes back at me and says they'd like to see the FULL? It's going to be pretty embarrassing to say it's not ready. I always heard it takes months to hear back from these people - and although industry advice says no, many will say "how's your first 50 pages?" and then suggest to send them out because it will take longer than they say. Well, it's 2 months for one editor and this is coming into week 7 for everybody else. And I watched television.

Gotta love those self-destructive tendencies with deep roots. This isn't the first time performance anxiety has sunk its claws into my motivation. One time I remember was my first writing job I got at the local weekly - hired by the editor and everything. It was at least 3 months before I gave him anything. I ran into him at the therapist's office - small town - when he and his wife were coming out and I was going in. He gave me this befuddled look and asked, "so are you going to write us anything or what?" It was what I needed to thaw out and I got him something within a week. I was pretty lucky that time and had a great working relationship with that editor, but I know I've missed some juicy worms in the past getting to the hole too late. Frozen by a fear that feels like apathy.

Anyway, that's all for now. Thanks for reading.

Now Back to the Writing...

Well it's Thursday, Week 6, and I have not heard from Agent who said if I didn't hear from her in 6 weeks to assume she rejected my manuscript based on one sample chapter. And so, I'm now up to 7 rejections - 4 from query letters, 2 from partials, and 1 from sample chapter.

And after some feedback from my first writer's group last night, I may as well anticipate a rejection from the last agent to have a partial. I'm still crossing my fingers for him because of all those I met, I felt I connected with him the best. I can't find any info about him on the internet, however, and that's unnerving.

I had my first meeting for my writer's group culled from the random waters of Meetup.com. All the RSVP's filled. 1 canceled yesterday. 1 more canceled at 6:30 and I was expecting a group of 10, myself included. 5 came to make a party of 6 and everybody committed to being the core group of regulars and I'll assume the 2 cancelations will show next time until they don't. 4 were no shows and I will assume riff raff fallen to the wayside. I would be surprised if they ever came to a meeting.

For the most part, I'm pretty happy with the core group that did show. We were a healthy balance between men and women - 3 each and everybody agreed that it's more productive to read each other's stuff BEFORE we meet, so we can eat, drink, talk, and give feedback.

So far, I feel it's off to a good start even if I was a little unnerved having a bunch of strangers come to my house. Of all that I've seen on the internet, Meetup.com is the best use of it to get people together I've ever seen. Hopefully, everybody who commits will continue.

Hot Springs Highlights

I really meant to keep a log while traveling, but sometimes it's more fun to just travel and enjoy than to travel and record. Some highlights of the trip. LoLo Hot Springs "Resort" just over the border in Montana has super cheap cabins with no private bath, a pretty decent pool of 70 degrees outside and much hotter inside. Very flexible on checkout times. Also some very eccentric in a good way employees. For instance, when Cat - I think she's the owner - left me a message saying I could check in at the pool, the guy who answered the phone said yes, and "much to my displeasure." He was pretty funny, but easily rattled. He got into it with this Russian woman who asked if there was still a free first visit to the pool. That night I went swimming before going to sleep and the other guy looked like an old time miner. He was cool though. The couples making out in the indoor hot pool were not. Met some nice drunken folks on the way back to my cabin who had built up a great fire and offered me a beer. They told me about Camas, Montana as a place frozen in time and the most relaxing place in the world. Will have to check that out.

Before I left the area, I went back to Jerry Johnson and walked downhill from the trail to a pool that was next to the creek. The hot spring water came from a gentle waterfall along with the cold water trickling in from the creek. I had a splendid view of woods from the creek and the sounds of water falling and flowing were heavenly. Not to mention being in a pool with both warm and cool spots depending on where I was sitting. In some spots, cold water would be under me and warm to hot over me. It was amazing and if I didn't have to get going, I would have stayed all day. As it was, it was hard to leave.

In Darby, Montana, I heard that the Lost Trail Hot Springs Resort in Sula was "weird." But I already had my reservation. I saw it was for sale when I drove in and my cabin was open and ready for me as the lady said it would be. I thought the property was really cool with the cabins, the lodge, and the wood carved sculptures of Indians and Miners - go figure - and then I met the owners and I could see where the "weird" reputation came from. They did not give off happy energy or sweet vibes. I swam in their pool with them watching from the upstairs balcony. It was a little creepy. I left and then came back when I needed to use the restroom and the door to the pool was locked and technically they were supposed to be open. I strongly suspected this was no longer a labor of love for them but a burden. It's a pity. A little bit of love and some more options would be all that was needed to make the place a go.

I almost made it to the Horse Creek Springs, but the roads were too confusing and I had some distance to cover. I stopped and swam in the extremely hot Lava Hot Springs in Lava Idaho with my swimsuit on. Not as much fun as a natural pool, but it was enough to recharge me enough to keep driving. I was on a mission.

I have found that my tastes have changed in the years since I was last at Indian Hot Springs. I never realized the geo-thermal caves were like saunas and that's before you get into the pools. It was intense. I found I like fresh air to cool off in when the water gets too hot. It's effective for cleansing though.

I got home last night, much to my cat's relief. Ginger was a good sport, but all that driving was starting to get to her.

Feeding my Soul

This trip is getting better and better. To backtrack a couple of days, my first attempt to find Baker Hot Springs was an abort both times and I believe that was good judgment. First time it was getting too late and the next day between hiking and then deciding to drive and not finding it - I realized if I'd kept with a 2 1/2 mile hike I would have found it, but was feeling lazy. Then driving I couldn't find it and after two hours, I was hungry. Also the vague and vaguely alarming rumors that it might be "contaminated," without specifying how it may be "contaminated" dampened my enthusiasm somewhat. So that night I stayed at the Soap Lake Inn and had hot springs mineral water poured into my own private tub. And came to realize that mineral spring water has a different texture than fresh water. The water felt thicker, slippery, almost like an oil. And it had the notorious rotten egg smell, even after being filtered. Day one: Total wus

Day two was when I got lost trying to find the trail in coming dark and had to go back to the pools where Shad walked me back to the parking lot. Wus but used good judgment.

Day three: Aaahhhhhh..... Hiked a mile to Jerry Johnson hot springs and will be coming back in the morning for more. No catastrophes, starting to get my groove and a series of four pools in this meadow by a creek after a mile walk through the woods. It's amazing the effects of soaking for an hour with a view of woods, the sound of the creek. I felt completely at peace, and blissful all at once.

Each day, I get more and more excited and have more fun. I'm looking forward to sharing the hot springs caves with Shadow. But for now, strangely enough, the best part of this trip is how much fun I'm having alone. It's been a long time since I could make that claim, and does it get any more empowering to thoroughly enjoy myself with just myself.

I'm so glad I'm taking this hot springs road trip. It is totally feeding my soul.

I Love Hot Springs, but I Don't Love Getting Lost on the Way Back

One thing that pisses me off to no end - with myself - is that I worked so hard to develop some level of physical and psychological skill when it comes to outdoors adventuring. But if I am absent from that way of life for oh say, a year, I totally lose all the strength I gained both physically and psychologically. Just a mere 1/2 mile to the primitive hot springs pool in Weir Campground in Idaho. I hiked like a grandma tourist on the way in and got lost on the way out. I nearly had a panic attack until I got back to the pools where an awesome guy named Shad took me back to the parking lot. He claims he was heading back, so the timing was perfect. But I was so embarrassed being such a wimp. I blame the dark and the fact that I'd never been there before. But still...

By the way, there's no glory greater than hiking through the woods alongside a creek, only to come to a small pool with hot water with a fairly cute naked guy being regular as I'm taking off my clothes to join him, and our conversation completely mellow and easy. Not to mention we're in a hot spring in nature where the view is always gorgeous. Anybody who's shy about the hot springing way of life really needs to reconsider. It's a slice of heaven on earth, a divine moment in an otherwise mundane existence. A hint the Paradise because we really should be living like this all the time.

Even if I did get stressed out on the way out, it was still worth it. Let me just say, Aaaahhhhh.....

The Waiting Comes to its First End

Well, I got my first reply yesterday 6 1/2 weeks after I sent the partial. An agent from the PNWA conference. His rejection was kind as far as rejections go and given that he said "perhaps this is too fable like for me," I know it wasn't a form letter.

But it was still a pass. I braced myself as soon as I saw the name in my inbox because I can't help but think that if he wanted to see the full, I would have gotten a call. Well, everything I've read has warned me that I will be rejected. I will be rejected. I will be rejected. And I'm finding that it's true. So far, it's not breaking me. At least his response was timely as well as kind.

Cannon Beach may be Touristy, but it's Worth it.

Last spring I had my professional massage specifically for my lower body deep tissue massage class with a woman my teacher referred to as: "Maura is my hero." I can see why Jonathan would say that. Maura was vast and mighty, that's for certain. I'll probably take the post massage school course with her - the more I get to know about this healing art, the more I realize there is to learn. Anyway, she had her business at home and it was full of cool stuff, pictures, and artwork. Maura said she picked things that had vibe.

It's amazing how some things and places work for that reason. Cannon Beach is a town on the coast that has definitely been discovered and developed accordingly. But it still has vibe. Lazy Susan Cafe, and art gallery and cafe, Newman's 998 - a fine dining restaurant in a small house that used to be a B&B. And of course, the awesome little studio cabin I found in the woods yesterday (on the internet under pet friendly). Turk's Lodging was only 1/2 mile south of Cannon Beach but had a nice isolated in the woods feel to it, but the ocean was still within sight and hearing. Made a good change.

I can see why Cannon Beach is so beloved to Oregonians. Even though there's lots of tourists, there's also lots of vibe.

I found the coolest cabin in the woods yesterday. It's only a half mile south of Cannon Beach, but has a nice isolated feel to it and there's a view of the ocean through the trees. Some places are worth it for the vibe. And this placeHeading up to Seattle before the

Power Points

It's odd that of all the incredible trails in Juneau, my favorite is the Perseverance up to Granite Creek Basin. And it has been ever since I got here, when I thought that first summer would be my only summer and I went hiking at least three times a week to see as much as I could. But that was the hike I always went back to, repeating it at least once a week. And still my first hike every summer is as far as I can go up Perseverance. I have a few...what I call power points along that trail...places where I can go when I want to write, when I need to think, when I'm upset, when I'm depressed...and just hang out for a while and veg for as long as I need to...and when I leave I feel good. Sometimes I even go there when I'm in a great mood so I can feel fantastic. No other trail in Juneau has quite the same effect on me. My spots are that spot that juts out over Ebner Falls, an outcropping of rocks that juts into the Creek about a quarter mile before the turn off to Granite Creek Basin, and the top of the falls at the top of that creek. I just went hiking up there last night. We've had so much snow this year, and there were a lot of changes on that trail. We've lost a lot of trees due to avalanches this year, and they built up the trail the first half mile. It's as wide as a narrow road now and the grated bridges are gone. So is a lot of greenery. But, the water... I've never seen Gold Creek so swollen, so lush with excess water as I saw it last night. It was so high, it slithered over the rocks we usually sit on to face the creek, as it's tossing and churning downhill to the channel. I'm a water baby, I suppose. Gold Creek really does it for me, and the power of that water last night was just too much, and we still have plenty of snowpack left to feed it. Needless to say, I felt great when I left. So where's one of your power points? Hope you have some where you are.

Waiting and More Waiting

Cool, this font color bears a close resemblance to vomit, perfect for my mood around WAY-AY-Ay-ay-tee-ee-ee-enn-nnn-nggg. Not my favorite pastime. If patience is a virtue, I'm getting lots of practice. Partial of 50 pages and synopses for all 4 books in series to editor at St. Martins sent 5 weeks ago and counting. Not too torqued out because she told us she wouldn't get back to anybody for a long while. I'll wait until Christmas to panic. Partial of 110 pages sent to agent 5 1/2 weeks ago and counting. Never got his stats on how long it'll be until I hear from him. Or if I will. Query and sample pages to one agent that claims silence as her rejection. If I don't hear from her in 6 weeks, her answer is NO. Tomorrow it's 4 weeks from the day I sent it, and Wednesday I got her automated email reminding me I'll never hear from her again if she's not interested. So I have 2 more weeks to wait before I know if she's into my work or not. But there's something about that 4 week mark makes me think not.

The irony of it is if any of these people want the full manuscript, I'll hum and haw and say 4 more weeks please. That could be embarrassing...

Honestly, one either needs the perspective of Buddha or the perversion of a masochist or both to be a writer.

Thanks for reading...

I *Heart* Hot Springs

Hey y'all,

I have a sliver of two weeks to do a quick road trip before starting the next quarter in the healing art of massage, I'm taking advantage of it to take a quick road trip of visiting friends and hitting as many hot springs as I can. And I am in hot spring HEAVEN here in the Pacific Northwest.

I do love them so - how is it possible not to love being naked in hot water usually with stunning nature all around me? I defy the one who says they can't stand hot springs. It's like going back into the womb. And in some ways, we are when soaking in water heated in the earth.

My first hot springs experience was years ago at Indian Hot Springs Resort in Idaho Springs, Colorado. I was with a couple of friends from college and in an extremely irritated state of mind with one of them. Kelly was one of those people who always had to make everything hard. She was irritated I invited Kristy on a camping trip we planned because she wanted to practice her Wicca rituals and didn't feel comfortable with her there. Since I was visiting from Seattle and taking a break from an ass-hole boyfriend, I was pissed she put such a spoiler on it. Kristy had told me years before she didn't really like Kelly and on that morning I completely understood why.

But the three of us went to Idaho Springs and parked outside this old time 1920's ramshackle resort with underground caves where the springs were. There were signs everywhere detailing the history of the place and the people who came for the healing waters there. Of course, we had to confer in the car. Kelly was debating the cost of 7 dollars, and for a few minutes of drama, said she could pick us up later perhaps after practicing her Wiccan rituals. But ultimately, she had heard the caves were amazing and decided to come with us.

And amazing they were. All of us were from fairly conservative backgrounds and public nudity was not something we were used to. The caverns were gender segregated which made it easier, but we were still pretty self conscious going through the waiting room where there were a bunch of naked women taking a break, drinking some water, journaling and reading magazines. It was very mysterious to enter the cavern of pools with the Silence sign over the door. And it was a cave all right, carved out of black rock with a narrow path with small pools of various temperatures on each side. I'll never forget the woman sitting lotus on one of the tile benches above one set of pools. She was a female buddha with her eyes closed, meditating on the crystals in her hand. It definitely was an alien environment for me, and probably for my friends as well.

But as soon as we got into the pools, all the unease, tension, and the total aggravation I felt towards Kelly just melted away. We checked out the different pools and found that the temperatures got hotter the further we went to the grand finale pool at the end - which was HOT! It was Kelly that made the comparison that this was like being back in the womb, and it was. We took a few breaks, hanging out naked in the waiting room with the others and went back in quite a few times. Kristy said she never imagined being able to do that and feel comfortable, but we did. The experience was both earthy and spiritual at the same time. Sharing this with Kristy and Kelly who had never done anything like this before really connected us. All of us marveled at how nice it was to be comfortable in our bodies around strangers. Needless to say, the rest of the camping trip was a lot of fun. I remember we slept in Kelly's VW bus, but made a fire (thus it was a "real" camping trip), and talked a lot about sex.

I have since found many other hot springs that I love and enjoy - Breitenbush being my current favorite - but that is where my passion for soaking began. I have since had a falling out/growing apart (whatever you want to call it) with both women I enjoyed that with, but I still have that awareness with me. And where Kristy and Kelly are concerned, I'll bet neither of them soak on a regular basis. A friend of mine from Alaska just moved to Denver to go to school. I may have to take Shadow there where it all began...

By the way, for those who are interested, check out my other blog by going into my profile and clicking freedom junkie fables or go to freedomjunkiefables@blogspot.com.

Either way, thank you for reading.