Toxic Friends

I've heard it's best to stick with my prescribed topics on writing and getting published, but I don't think it's possible to be a writer and not have a strong interest in people and the human condition. All of our experiences are fodder for what we do.

And if anybody who has done enough living has had some painful experiences involving people, particularly friends. Or I should say "friends." I just read a book, "Toxic Friends," by Susan Shapiro Barash who really does a thorough job of covering all the kinds of women we know and suffer through, and then the ones we should cherish. I may have tackled the subject a little differently, but in all, I think she did a thorough job, and her labeling system was open to flexibility. The Leader, Doormat, Sacrificer, Misery Lover (friends we tolerate), then The User, Trophy Friend, and Frenemy (those we ditch or who ditch us to be honest), and last but not least: The Mirroring Friend, Sharer, and Authentic Friend (those we keep), and hybrids of these categories make up the spectrum of women we have the potential to know and suffer through, and those to value after doing some serious growing up.

I definitely recognized people I've known, those who dropped me, those I dropped, and of course myself in both the wonderful and not so wonderful categories. It also gave me an understanding as to why women make the choices they make when it comes to "power" versus "principle," especially in unjust social situations. They are very few genuine heroes out there.

I've never been a Frenemy, but I lived through several. And I found it reassuring to realize I wasn't the only one who has made some serious mistakes in who I chose to give my energy to. I also found it interesting that in her conclusion, Barash pointed out that out of all those she interviewed 15% found their Authentic Friend (who was the jackpot, in the writer's and in my opinion) a burden, while 20% of others found their Users, Trophy Friends, Leaders (Queen Bee), and Doormats more important.

So, 35% of women use friendship as a means of status and social climbing than love, affection, respect, or genuine support. Well, it's not the majority, but 1/3 is still kind of disheartening, even if it explains a lot.

Decent read. I recommend it.

If you want, check out my other blog freedomjunkiefables at blogspot dot com, or just go into my profile and click on the other blog. It's a resurrection about my book tour road trip from a five years ago that will segue in due time to more recent adventures in the realm of writing. Thanks for reading.